Tortoises, choose carefully. Taking on a human is a very big commitment. They can live for quite a long time; they require constant supervision and, once attached to you, they become incredibly difficult to rehome. So don’t just take the first one who picks you up and says: “Awwwwww.” You need to observe them first. The most important thing is to find one you think you can train. Some humans are naturally very promising. Look for one who notices a stare. This is important. A

Four toes, a shovel and absolutely no respect for boundaries Humans, we need to discuss Horsfields. Because somewhere right now, a human is staring into an empty enclosure shouting: “WHERE’S THE TORTOISE?” Relax. You’ve got a Horsfield. I’m Manuel, a respectable spur-thighed tortoise, and even I think these chaps are slightly bonkers. FIRST, THEY’RE NOT MEDITERRANEAN Horsfields come from Central Asia, where their ancestors dealt with dry steppes, rocky ground, baking summers,

Manuel explains why choosing the right lights isn’t the first question you should ask. Discover what really matters for keeping a healthy Mediterranean tortoise.

Why do humans think bigger is always better? Manuel explains why a natural variety of weeds beats giant leaves and oversized meals every time, and what tortoises really look for when they forage.

Can tortoises eat lettuce? Learn which lettuces are safe, which should only be occasional treats, and what Mediterranean tortoises really need for a healthy diet.

Can Mediterranean tortoises eat lettuce, fruit and supermarket salad? In this humorous guide, Manuel explains why a natural diet of weeds, wild flowers and high-fibre plants is far healthier than supermarket food, with practical tortoise care advice for beginners and experienced keepers alike.